| | prewarning: it's an extremely long post, mainly for my own reflection but i thought i'd put it on public hopefully to bless others.
20th March 2008 goes down in history as the biggest emotional rollercoaster ride Lydia has been on to date. The week in itself prior to that day has just been really busy running errands and making final arrangements and preparations for camp. So busy that when Steven called to say he was leaving his house to come pick me up to head to the campsite, i had barely packed my bags nor showered or eaten the entire day! But i managed to get my act together and finally off we were heading to Rawson. Not long after picking up the Clayton girls, i get a text from one of my best friends, Azi saying "I heard Teacher Samirah passed away this morning". And immediately my heart sank.
Teacher Samirah was one of the English teachers in our old school, and if you know my school, you would know that we are a very close knit community, be it among students, and even between teachers and students. Mainly because our population was really small, but i think that was one of the greatest beauty of our school and i loved every single memory i have of that school. well.. almost. anyway, Teacher Samirah was diagnosed with breast cancer sometime in year 2001 if my memory serves me well. She was in and out of school in the end of year 2001 and the beginning of 2002 due to chemo treatment and sorts. But each time she comes back she was still the entertaining and slightly sarcastic self as always  altho just looking a wee bit tired. She was a mom of 4 kids, one beautiful daughter who takes on her chatty-ness and subsequently 3 very very cute boys who are all very entertaining as well! When i last left school, her daughter was prolly about 8 or 9 years old max, and the youngest one at most 2 years old.
The last i ever saw Teacher Shamin was in early 2006 when Fern, Kel, Dan and I made a short trip back to Terengganu. She was still looking pretty alright. At that point i think the treatment was working in her favour. She was then soon going to move down to KL for good, which i think worked out good for her since i recall sometime after that last time i saw her, Azi texted me saying that Teacher Shamin was admitted into SJMC cuz her condition had taken a toll.. it was a relapse. I guess being overseas at that point of time, it wasn't like i could visit her (altho i did think about texting her, which looking back, i wished i did) so after awhile, it kind of slipped my mind til that fateful text that came in last week. I was in total disbelief really. And so were Irene, Kel and Fern, according to my brother (i called him to tell them since i was travelling and had no internet connection). i almost seems surreal that she's gone.
Teacher Min, you're a great inspiration and the many years that you taught us were great lessons learnt. I loved how we all didn't just know you simply as a teacher but on a personal level as well. Probably one of the fondest memories will be the great roadtrip we made down to Besut where you and Teacher Hasmah drove the entire debate team plus the others who wanted to tag along (haha) for the State quarter finals. We had heaps of fun in your van watching movie after movie on the little screen you had installed to entertain your kids. heh! We all laughed about how our school's debate team history is that whichever opponent that our school loses to would always begin their speech with "Roses are red, violets are blue..." and despite how strong our points may be, the odds are stacked against us because it seemed they would never want a former private school to represent the state. hahha.. and horror of horrors, our opponents DID begin with "roses are red, violets are blue.." I remember instantly turning to you with a horrified look on my face, and you just had to roll your eyes. hahaa! if it weren't so pressuring i prolly would've burst out laughing on stage. How you could tolerate the nonsensical yet believable "facts" Zaid could churn out just made you extra cooler too! you were always great fun to talk to and be with.. such a beautiful person both inside and out.
I could go on but it's not like you'd be reading this, but thanks Teacher Min for everything you've done. I really wished you won the battle of cancer. I wished you could still be around to watch your beautiful kids grow. I wish we all got to see you one last time and fill you in on the latest updates like how Kelly and Fern are both happily engaged and are soon to be wives of the great man in their respective lives, or how Irene's got an exciting job posting to a new country. I didn't think you would be gone so soon. I will miss you teacher min, and i hope that your hubby and the kids are holding up well despite not having you around. you will be remembered ever so dearly in our hearts.
The title of this post is called "Bittersweet" for a reason. Just barely 20 minutes after finding out about teacher samirah's passing, my brother calls me up to say "We officially have a new cousin". My uncle's wife had just delivered a baby boy hence we now welcome a new cousin into our extended family. Admittedly i wasn't exactly the most excited person, since the whole death news was still sinking in. But nevertheless it is a joyous occasion and i would look forward to meeting and playing with little baby Marcellino when i get back to Malaysia!
When i first got the text about Teacher Min's passing, it reminded me of the exact same thing that happened last year. The night before Easter Camp 2007, my brother had texted me and said to prepare myself cuz my grandma was in serious condition and there's a chance that she might pass on anytime soon. It was an extremely emotional night and i could barely sleep a wink while praying very selfish prayers that He would prolong my grandma's time on earth. I was a total wreck and mess throughout camp and thank God for the Parkville worship team who prayed for me while we were preparing for worship on the first nite, and also Sharon who was such an awesome friend throughout camp. God has been very gracious prolonging my grandma to this very day but i must say 2007 was a huge uphill battle for me, dealing with situations such as family illnesses and the likes which i won't elaborate. But at the end of 2007, i decided that no longer will i let myself be bogged down by all things that have kept me beaten down particularly in the past year. I needed to be free and have a fresh and strong start in 2008.
Indeed many things were done bit by bit, mending damages made here and there and the fresh and strong start for me in 2008 was looking well on its way. Today as i sit here typing this, looking back in retrospect to these events that happened suddenly doesn't seem coincidental at all, infact it seems to signify something even greater. On the eve of Easter Camp 2007, i get a text regarding an impending death. fast forward a year later and on the eve of Easter Camp 2008, i get a text announcing a death, and subsequently a phonecall announcing a new life born. It really reflects my spiritual journey in the past year. Many obstacles and trials came my way last year and it was a tough battle no doubt and many a times i was just so beaten down and weary. And all that God really wanted of me was simply; "Lydia, do you trust Me? just hand it all over to Me to take care of it". The text regarding the impending death to me signifies the long process that God was working in me of dying to myself. i'm not there yet but the many trials He allows me to go through were really tests to push me to a point of complete surrender because there are things that i just can't achieve by my own strength. to surrender to Him, i must first die to myself : less of me and more of Him.
The interesting part for me here is that this year,on the eve of Easter Camp, i get 2 messages; one of death, and subsequently one of new life, and i believe that is the word for my spiritual journey for this year. i know as i take these baby steps mending damages of the past while slowly releasing more and more to Him, I strive to come to a point where i have sufficiently put to death all that my selfish nature desires so that God can work in me and through me. I hope to be able to put to death all the pains, guilt and shame of the past and to come up anew and to begin afresh walking in the path guided solely by Him. Easter Camp served as a great launching pad of great empowerment for all the campers that were present, as each speaker brought a word that spoke straight into the core of each person's heart. Of course having Sarah Koh as one of the speakers was an added bonus because i consider her being among one of the greatest role models and inspiration to all girls/young women of God (but of course that's my opinion..ever since i first heard her speak back in 2006). Talking and praying through certain things with her brought a lot of things into perspective. I can't conclude the end of this phase yet as i'm still progressing on this spiritual journey. But i hang on to the hope that He is doing a deep work in the recesses of my heart and that as I begin submitting bit by bit to Him, That i will come to a point of complete death to myself and the old ways, and begin the "new life" that is wholly and completely in Him. Like how i may not have been fully excited about a new cousin at that point of time after just receiving news of the death of someone so dear; i may not seem very enthusiastic about a new start, becuz i'm really adverse to change and putting to death all that i hold dear to in the past is tough. But, yet i know that what awaits me is something that is great, for His plans for us are greater and higher than all that we can imagine. We are a new creation in Him! (2 Cor 5:17)
Lord, help me be that desperate woman after your own heart.
|
| | Posted 3/27/2008 11:13 PM - 42 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
